Elbie at Trig dot Net

Sat, 17 Mar 2001

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who loved the winter so much that he wished it would stay forever. To that end, he devoted his every waking moment to make things colder. He studied geology, meterology, biology, physiology, chemiology, geneology, anything that would bring his realization closer. Eventually he stumbled across the idea of nuclear winter. It seemed all so simple. At last! And so the little boy gathered to himself a mass arsenal of nuclear warheads and prepared to detonate them all across the globe, thus blocking out the sun, and plunging the earth into perpetual coldness. Miraculously, he managed to do so without harming a single living organism. Fur traders, ski resort owners, hot chocolate magnates, and Jakob Nederswothney (just some guy) hailed the action as a boon to all mankind, and the little boy was immensely happy until he developed a severe case of seasonal affectiveness disorder, and committed suicide.

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